lucky items

[cometoheavenfindmethere]

i have been thinking a lot about frogs lately for some reason... it seems like frogs have been a common theme in my life for a long time. there are a few common themes in my life and a lot of them are animal-related... i think frogs have started to represent the word 'home' to me... so whenever i find a frog item, i try to keep it. at work, when i was just starting to settle in (weeks before i got fired), i found a very small frog figurine in a teacher's classroom who was moving to another school. as a janitor, you can basically take whatever small items you want, if you think the teacher is planning to throw them away... a little skeevy, but understandable... janitors are treated like maids by most of them, anyways. soooo i took the frog and i'm looking at it right now, sitting on my dresser. it makes me happy, nostalgic, and a little bit sad... just like the concept of home 🤷‍♀️. i used to live in a place with a lot of frogs, where it would rain a lot... we'd keep them in this big glass tank and i'd hunt down crickets for them to eat... my mom was really sick in those memories so it makes it a bit sad to look back on, but she'd let me listen to her backstreet boys cds and jump on the bed when she wasn't laying down in it. i think i was 4...? i can't remember a lot of my life at this point, to be honest. i think a lot of it has been lost to mental illness and trauma which is upsetting... i'd prefer not to let those things get the best of me if i can help it... i have a lot of people who love me and depend on me, including myself. i don't wanna go out not recognizing myself. so it helps to keep things like the frog... just to look at and remember. i didn't work at the school very long but the frog helps me remember how happy i was there, even though it was such a short time. it meant a lot to me.

another big theme in my life is moths... i haven't quite figured out what they mean yet. i'm afraid of them but it seems to be a completely unwarranted fear. they just sit there when they get into the house for hours or ever days... then fly off and die in a corner somewhere. i think, from afar, they're beautiful creatures... i drew a picture of one (actias luna) in oil pastels and hung it on my wall and i like to look at it. i hope i can find a small moth figurine to keep, too (though it doesn't HAVE to be small, i wouldn't mind, as long as it's fake). i think moths symbolize rebirth? that makes a lot of sense to me since i constantly reinvent myself... but maybe even in a broader sense idk...

either ways frogs and moths are very important to me <3 any things i find that have moths or frogs on them, i keep as good luck charms :)