i'm autistic!

i've been wondering for a long time why i'm so bad at communicating with other people.... i've wondered for a long time why no one noticed or cared when i was a kid, too. maybe it's not that they didn't care, i guess? maybe they just thought i was shy or something......... but i couldn't understand what other kids talked about or why they acted and spoke the way they did... i don't think i spoke to another kid until i was 6 years old. a part of me thinks it was because i was so afraid of being misunderstood by the people around me... to be misunderstood was my greatest fear. to have people think i was mean or scary terrified me!! it was inevitable, though, i think... i never spoke unless spoken to and even then i don't think i ever said anything that made sense to anybody :/ in fact, i'm not sure anything i'm writing at this moment makes any sense, either heh... why do i use so many ellipses? i think there's that much fog in my brain when it comes to communicating like... there's that many breaks in my mind or something lol!!!!!!!!! i don't get it to be honest but i have an answer now!!! i'm autistic :) i've been uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... thinking about that conclusion for a long time but i thought maybe it was wrong of me to think that way about myself with "no proof" .... surely they would've caught it when i was a child if i was ACTUALLY autistic? but idk i don't think that's true tbh? they didn't even know i had adhd!!! and that's obvious lmfao!!!! autism and adhd are so under-diagnosed in young girls and it sucks! it must be even harder to notice when a young girl is shy lol... but i can't help my nature! i'm just happy to have an answer now tbh... at 20 years old i finally understand why i act the way i act! and i have a lot of problems but i'm at peace with that, i think. i think i have to be.